By Francisco De La Calleja
Welcome to the Latin dance party. You want to dance, but you are new at this and you do not know anyone beyond a few (mostly female) friends from dance class who invited you to this club, or social. So… how on earth are you going to get all those men to come over here and ask you to dance? And once they do, how do you get them to look beyond your beginner level and ask you to dance again? I asked a lot of guys (who also want to dance) and here is what they suggested:
The best thing you can do is to find a place to sit or even better, to stand near the dancefloor. This tells me you want to dance. Smile and groove to the music. This is a sign that the only thing you are missing is a dance partner. I or one of my fellow leaders will be there shortly.
But we will avoid you like the plague if you are:
Sitting in front of a table full of already empty shooter glasses.
Spending more time checking your smartphone than looking up.
Sitting with your arms crossed, frowning and complaining that no one wants to dance with you.
Also, never sit at the bar if you came here to dance. The bar is reserved for the girl that came to the club with the express purpose of flirting with guys, have them buy her drinks and whatever else happens from there.
Please, do not sit in a tight circle of more than three female only friends. Some men will think twice before taking the risk of being turned down in front of so many girls.
Other men may be looking this way, so but don’t play coy when I come over, smile, say something like “would you like to dance?” and politely offer my hand and motion towards the dancefloor. Seeing a girl refusing dances is a good way of discouraging other potential dance invitations.
You do not have to be mop-up-the-drool-and-drag-out-the-dead-bodies beautiful. A smile is the most beautiful accessory you can wear when you go dancing. But please do not forget the deodorant.
Please, dress for dancing. If you look like a computer rendered fantasy but you can’t raise your arm for an underarm turn because your dress will ride too high for a PG rating, I will be bored and you will be mortified. Wear shoes in which you can really dance, not shoes that just make your legs look great when you are sitting.
I may not be the best looking guy in the place but I will appreciate finishing the evening with functional eyes and an unbruised face. So please, low pony tail and if you are wearing braids, no beads in them, please!
If you accept my invitation to dance, the best thing to say is simply: Yes, thank you! Smile a lot and walk to the dance floor with purpose in your stride, as if you were already sure of how much fun we will have dancing together.
If for some reason you have to decline, do it as gently as possible, say thank you, smile, give me a plausible reason and let me know when I can come back to look for you later in the evening. I promise you I will.
Please don’t ask me to dance with your girlfriend sitting next to you if you have to decline. If she really wants to dance with me so much it is up to her to chime in and propose.
There is no need to mention your level or mine before we begin to dance. If you are a beginner, I will know it in less than a minute. I don’t care, if you try your best, do your own part and you smile, we will have a good time and I will be looking forward to dancing with you again because I know that with such a good attitude you will be improving in no time.
Do not try to impress me by over-styling everything you do. Diva-like attitude is so pretentious it looks silly. Look at me, be present, smile. Laugh if you want. It’s ok to talk too, as much as the turning and the music volume allows.
If any one of us makes a mistake I will learn a lot about what kind of person you are by the way you react. Do not apologize if you did and don’t get mad at me if I did. I am still learning and I suspect you are smart enough to know that about yourself too. Let us just smile and continue dancing.
I will try to keep both of us out of harm’s way but I will appreciate if you also keep your eyes open. On the floor you are my rearview mirror. If we are involved in a collision I will stop and check if you and the other couple are alright. But unless we have to call 911 we should try to finish the dance.
Do not accept a dance invitation from me if your goal is to make another guy jealous. I will feel used just like you would if the roles were reversed.
Just like you would not appreciate being forced to remain on the floor with the same guy without knowing for how long, please do not monopolize me after the first dance. But I will feel like a million dollars if, as I walk you back to your seat, you ask me when we can share another dance.
When I walk you to the dance floor and back to your seat I will be holding your hand. This is just good manners. Do not read anything else into it. Sharing a dance is maybe the beginning of a nice friendship but everything starts with a first step. Wait until we know each other better.
Lastly, don’t be shy! If you feel like it, you are welcome to ask me or any of my fellow leaders to dance. We are in the 21st century, after all.